The Goal Setting Guide: For Kids
Goal setting is all the rage in January because people are busy setting their New Years Resolutions. But by the time February rolls around, many of us have fallen back into our normal routine. The rest and time off of work we had from the holidays turns back into daily stress, and the new fancy goal-setting planner we got for Christmas has lost its luster.
And so, within a few weeks, we’ve forgotten what we resolved to do completely, and this communicates to our children that goal setting is not only optional, but that it’s something that we can give up on.
Now, New Years Resolutions aren’t really the topic of discussion here. We can choose to set new goals and form new habits any time of year; we don’t have to wait for a time when everyone else is doing it. So while it’s not super important that we sit down with our children to form New Years Resolutions, it is important that we teach them to set goals and follow through.
By encouraging our children to set goals for themselves at a young age, we are not only preparing them for having to set goals in the future, but we are also preparing them to plan, execute, manage their time, and problem solve to achieve those goals.
How do we do that? Here’s what you need to know.
Why You Should Model & Teach Goal Setting To Your Children
It can bring their focus toward healthier habits.
It teaches them to set goals.
It teaches work ethic, resilience, and grit.
It teaches delayed gratification.
It teaches planning.
It teaches problem solving if the first plan doesn’t go accordingly.
It teaches prioritization and time management.
It teaches them to take initiative.
It teaches self-motivation.
It teaches them to maintain self-control and develop independence.
It makes them more successful in future jobs and careers.
It makes them more successful in their future relationships.
But simply knowing the benefits of teaching goal setting doesn’t help us to do it. And what’s more, it doesn’t explain why teaching goal setting to our kids is so dang hard.
Why Many Kids (& Adults Alike) Struggle To Set & Maintain Goals
The goal is too broad. This makes it impossible to create a plan. Example: “I’m going to make healthier choices.” Okay… What does that look like? Are we going to eat healthier? Be more active? Sleep more? If we don’t have specific, tangible tasks to check off a list, we’re less likely to follow through.
The goal is too ambiguous. This makes it difficult to pinpoint when the goal has been achieved. Example: “I’m going to be good at drawing.” Okay… At what point are we “drawing good?” How will we know when we’ve arrived? When our sketches look like Picasso? When we accomplish certain strokes or shading techniques? When we are simply able to show our drawing to someone and it’s clear enough for them to recognize what it is? We need our goal to be measurable enough that we can know exactly when we’ve accomplished it.
The goal is unattainable. Ambition is a wonderful thing, but we have to be realistic as well. Example: “I want to be a Rockette.” Okay… That’s cute, but fully trained dancers compete for those spots every year, and if we’ve never stepped foot in a dance class, it’s unlikely that it will happen. Those dancers also have to be between 5’6” ad 5’10” with nearly exactly the same inseam for kickline precision. What if our growth caps us at 5’1”? We don’t want to make goals easy, but we do want to make sure the goal we choose is within our realm of control so we can be successful.
The goal isn’t something we actually care about. If our heart’s not in the goal we’ve set for yourself, we’ll never be motivated to do it. Example: “I’m going to run a mile 3 times a week.” Okay… But if we hate running, a better goal for us might be to bike, or go to a climbing gym, or play Just Dance with our kids on the Switch. Look deeper to find what you’re trying to accomplish here. I, personally, despite running, but I resolved to “become a runner” once because my husband loved it. I didn’t really care about running, but I did care about connecting with him and sharing his interests. Within two weeks we had stopped running together (because it wasn’t fun for him with me wheezing and complaining all the time), and we opted for regular game nights (which we have still maintained to this day).
There’s no deadline. Open-ended goals have no sense of urgency. We need to have a deadline in sight so we’ll be motivated to work toward the goal and create a plan to finish on time. Example: “I’m going to train to run 3 miles.” Okay… By when? And how are we going to structure our training to make this achievable in this amount of time? If there’s no deadline inherently built into our goal, we need to create one ourselves. Deadlines help us to build timelines, targets, and plans to make our goal simpler, more easily digestible, and more likely to come to fruition.
The good news is, though, there are remedies to each of these. And knowing them can make everyone in your family a little more intentional and successful when it comes to setting goals.
Setting S.M.A.R.T. Goals
I love a good acronym because I’m 100x more likely to remember. So when it comes to goal setting, we can remember S.M.A.R.T., and ask ourselves the following:
Is this goal specific? In other words, are we able to create a plan for this goal?
Instead of “I’m going to make healthier choices,” try, “I’m going to drink 5 bottles of water each day.”
The latter goal is specific enough to create a plan. We need to buy a water bottle, and be prepared to refill it 5 times each day. We may even create a tracker sheet to keep track of our completed water bottles throughout the day.
Is this goal measurable? In other words, how will we know we’ve achieved our goal? How will we know we’re making progress?
Instead of, “I’m going to be good at drawing,” try, “I’m going to attend a drawing class once a week.”
The class each week will hold us accountable, the teacher will monitor our progress, and the work done at this class will serve as data to show our drawing achievement over time.
Is this goal attainable? In other words, are we actually able to get this done? We have to be honest with ourselves here.
If we want to be a Rockette, but we are 5 feet tall, that’s probably just not in the cards for us.
Instead of “I’m going to be a Rockette,” try, “I’m going to enroll in a jazz or tap class so I can learn to dance like a Rockette.”
Either way, we’re dancing. But with the latter goal, we might actually get there.
Is this goal relevant? In other words, do we care enough about this goal to do it?
These goals should align with our values and our long term objectives. The first option for us here is to choose something we actually care about.
Instead of, “I’m going to run 3 times a week,” (because we hate running, remember?), try, “I’m going to bike 3 times each week,” (because we like biking).
Our second option though, is to create motive around something we really don’t want to do. Because sometimes, we have to do things even when we don’t want to.
Instead of, “I’m going to run 3 times a week,” try “I’m going to choose some form of intentional exercise 3 times a week so I can boost my health and live long enough to see my grandkids.”
Long story short, make the goal applicable to your life. You can use the activity itself (biking instead of running) to make it more appealing, or motivate yourself by a relevant outcome (like living to meet your grandkids).
Is this goal time-based? In other words, is there a deadline? If there’s not, we can’t prioritize tasks to motivate and execute our plan for success.
Instead of, “I’m going to train to run 3 miles,” try, “I’m going to train to run a 5K in April.”
New Years Resolutions are great for this, because there’s a built-in deadline: December 31. However, most of us still struggle with this deadline because it’s so far away. 365 days is a long time for anyone to keep a habit up, so it’s helpful to set a closer deadline, or a few deadlines along the way.
Instead of, “I’ll be able to run 5 miles by the end of the year,” try, “I’m training to run 5 miles by the end of the year. I will have one mile by March, two miles by May, three miles by July, four miles by September, and five miles by November.” This helps us break up a large, unattainable goal into smaller, attainable goals that we feel more confident planning for and mastering.
And all of this sounds great to us… But how do we bring it down to a kid level to help them set their own goals?
Goal Setting for Infants
Don’t worry about it at this age. Infants do not have the cognitive abilities, or the social / emotional maturity to learn to think about the future and hone their habits accordingly. At this age, focus on simply meeting their developmental needs and milestones as they grow, so they will be ready to goal set when the time comes.
Goal Setting For Toddlers, Preschoolers, & Early Elementary
Start with a discussion with your child about what goals they appealing.
Remember, their interest and the appeal of this goal is crucial for their motivation. If we choose their goal for them, (“You’re going to clean your room every night before bed.) they aren’t going to want to do it. Not to mention, we won’t really be teaching them to set their own goals. In reality, we’d just be setting a rule and expectation for our child, and that’s not the same as a goal.
So let your child choose their own goal. Then, focus on the acronym.
Is the goal specific? Is it clear enough to understand exactly what they want to do? If so, move on.
Is the goal measurable? Are they completing something daily? Once a week? Three times a month? If so, young children will need a visual way to measure the goal over time, like a sticker chart, to solidify the goal and make it less abstract for their little brains. You can find a visual aid on the internet to download, or make one yourself!
Is the goal attainable? Is this something your child is going to be able to do at their age? (Eat all their veggies? Yes. Drive a car? Nope.) If it’s not attainable though, we don’t have to change the goal entirely. Instead, we can help them modify the goal just enough to still be challenging, but also accessible for their age. “Kiddo, unfortunately there are laws in place that say no one can drive until they are 16 years old. You can’t learn to drive a car yourself, but you can help mommy while we’re in the car by staying buckled in and listening quietly to the GPS.”
Is the goal relevant? This is why letting our child choose the goal is so important. If they don’t care about the goal - if it isn’t relevant to their life in a way they see fit - they won’t be motivated enough to follow through.
Is the goal time-based? Remember, goals need deadlines. But time itself is such an abstract concept to children at this age. They will need a visual system to monitor their progress and see how much time they have left, like a sand timer, a paper calendar, or a task tracker chart.
There’s one additional thing to consider when it comes to this age group, though - an OUTCOME. What will happen when they have achieved this goal?
Most young children at this age won’t be motivated by the simple completion of the goal; you’ll have to draw their attention to the awesome things will happen after the goal has been completed. This can be a natural outcome, like, You have been eating all your fruits and veggies! Those foods help you become stronger, fight sickness, and see in the dark! or a rewards-based outcome, like, You have gone to the potty on the toilet 3 times this week! Two more and we get to have a 5 minute dance party!
Once they’re aware of the eventual outcome and have created their plan (i.e., how they’re going to track and monitor this goal), hold them accountable. Rush to the tracker chart when they complete a task and celebrate their success. Revisit their visual every night before bed to congratulate them on their progress, and discuss the tasks / time that is left in achieving the goal.
Goal Setting For Late Elementary & Middle School
Children at this age can have a little more liberty (they need less assistance) when it comes to selecting their goals. Still, the same acronym applies, but they’re cognitively able to work through it on their own.
Is the goal specific? Is it clear enough to understand exactly what they want to do? If so, they can move on.
Is the goal measurable? Are they completing something daily? Once a week? Three times a month? Children at this age will still need some sort of visual, but it doesn’t have to be so juvenile. Instead of sticker charts and task trackers, older children can resort to checklists and habit graphs.
Is the goal attainable? Is this something your child is going to be able to do at their age? Kids at this age are capable of doing more things at a higher level, and with that, often comes a hefty dose of ambition. Just because they are more independent and skilled than they have been in previous developmental ranges, doesn’t mean they’re ready for anything they set their mind to. Make sure they are still setting goals that are challenging, but realistic.
Is the goal relevant? At this point, kids have learned that sometimes, we set goals because we need to, not because we want to. So choosing something “fun” and “appealing” might not be relevant anymore. Once children reach this age, it is wise to start helping your children create motivation. If they aren’t passionate about the goal itself (but know it’s something they should do), help them cultivate their own intrinsic motivation by outlining the potential outcomes and opportunities that will result in them attaining their goal.
Is the goal time-based? Children at this age still need deadlines for their goals, but their systems can be a little more concrete (and less visual). Instead of sand timers and habit trackers, children at this age can begin using their own planners, paper calendars, and more. They are also able to begin tracking and monitoring on their own. It’s still important that you check in, but you’ll need to do so less often. Simply ask how their goal is going every few nights, celebrate their progress, and encourage them to keep going.
Goal Setting For High School & Young Adult
Life’s getting complicated for children at this age. School is getting harder, and kids are getting busier. They are working, socializing, studying, and more. Which means, they’re having to goal set, plan, and time manage more than ever before. Now, it’s time to apply everything they’ve learned so far.
Is the goal specific? Is it clear enough to understand exactly what they want to do? If so, they can move on.
Is the goal measurable? Are they completing something daily? Once a week? Three times a month? Whether they’re using a planner, a checklist, or some other form of measurement and accountability, encourage them to find the easiest, lowest-maintenance way to track their progress.
Is the goal attainable? Kids this age are known for being ambitious, especially if they’ve grown up hearing the well-meaning encouragements that “Anything is possible if you set your mind to it!” When in reality, sometimes, it’s just not. If they want to have a part time job but they have to keep calling in because of scheduling conflicts with their extra-curriculars, they might not be able to commit to both things. If they’ve never played basketball before, they probably won’t be able to secure a basketball scholarship. If their GPA was a 2.5 last year, they probably won’t be making the valedictorian speech. It’s important that your child’s goals are challenging (that’s what makes them goals), but it can’t be something so far out of reach and it’s not attainable.
Is the goal relevant? Most kids this age don’t have a problem with this part because they don’t have time to waste on something that isn’t relevant. Still, it’s important to acknowledge… Which part of their life will this goal assist with? Maybe they want to budget well so they can use their work money to save for college while also have money for date nights. Maybe they want to exercise and practice more so they can get a basketball scholarship at their dream school. Maybe they want to study more productively so they can make the valedictorian speech at graduation. Whatever the goal, make sure they have a clear reason for choosing it.
Is the goal time-based? Children at this age still need deadlines, but the deadlines are often quite far away. Instead of having something mastered by the end of the week, it’s more common for children at this age to want to accomplish something more tedious within the year, by the time they graduate high school, etc. However, the longer it takes to achieve a goal, the less likely it is that the goal will come to fruition. This isn’t to say your child should make the deadline closer and more easily-attainable, but it is to say that we’ll want to encourage some sub-deadlines along the way. If our child wants to make the valedictorian speech at graduation, what are the requirements to be valedictorian and how will your child get there? If it requires a 4.0+ GPA, we have to start with the grade our child will need on their next test, and the test after that, and the test after that... Then, the GPA they’ll need by the end of the year, until eventually, they’ve met the GPA requirement by the time graduation has arrived. Having these targets or “sub-deadlines” will help the goal become more digestible and attainable.
All this to say, goal setting is important for children because it is a skill necessary at being a successful adult. Don’t wait until you feel your child is “old enough” or “mature enough” to set goals. Let’s start while they’re young, so we can continue building on our firm foundation at every stage.
